Am I on the right track with my elevator speech?

I am working on my elevator pitch and would like some feedback on what I have so far: “We are a transportation solutions company that connects shippers and trucking companies together to move their products throughout the USA, Canada and Mexico. We are not just offering services; we are offering solutions – Solutions that equal success!” I have really struggled with getting this together. Any advice and feedback you can give will be much appreciated, thanks!

 

Answer:

You are correct that you need to make it clear exactly how you help your clients and/or exactly what your mission is. Also, if you can leave people wanting to learn more, that is a plus.

“Solutions” is vague business jargon in our opinion so you may want to consider how to focus more effectively on the benefit that is derived from your services or on how it helps clients rather than on the mechanism. For example, you can consider an elevator pitch like the following:

“We help our customers get their products to the marketplace quickly and efficiently, anywhere in North America, by connecting them with the right trucking option for their needs.”

As for other considerations, you can review example marketing industry articles and suggestions for writing elevator speeches at the following websites:

• How to Write a Better Elevator Pitch: inc.com
• 7 Steps to Writing an Elevator Pitch: about.com
• The Perfect Elevator Pitch to Land a Job: forbes.com