Losing doesn’t eat at me the way it used to. I just get ready for the next play, the next game, the next season.
-Troy Aikman
Being a manager has its up and downs. There is no question about that. However, when you have a setback, you need to turn it around quickly. No one wants to be around or follow a person who is feeling sorry for themself.
Suppose you were just passed over for a position you really wanted. You could get down in the dumps, but that serves no one—leastwise you. The more you wallow in your own despair, the worse you make the situation. What everyone will notice is how poorly you are handling the disappointment. It is understandable to feel bad about a lost promotion, but you must accept it, pull yourself up and move forward.
Related Article: 3 Things Great Leaders Gain from Failure
When on the subject of setbacks, an old Buddhist tale comes to mind. In the story, two monks—one much older and the other younger—are walking together. As they walk along, they come across a maiden in a beautiful gown crying beside a river that has overflowed its banks.
Now, in the order these monks belong to, they are not allowed to talk to or touch females, but the older monk goes over to the maiden and asks her what is the matter. She says she is supposed to get married later in the day but does not want to ruin the dress in the river. Without saying another word, the older monk puts the maiden on his shoulder and fords the river, keeping her dry.
When they get to the other side, the older monk puts the maiden down and continues on the path with the younger monk. For the next three miles, the younger monk chews into the older monk for breaking his vows by talking to the maiden and carrying her across the river. Finally, exacerbated, the older monk says to the younger monk, “I let that maiden down three miles ago, and you are still carrying her with you.”
As this tale demonstrates, we can either choose to carry our misfortunes and failures with us or we can just let them go. I see too many business people carrying their losses around like the younger monk.
Setbacks are hard, and they never feel good. The good news is that bad feelings do not last forever if you just allow them to run their course. Feelings have a beginning and end, and the best way to get to the end is to allow yourself to feel them. Do not bury them, because if you do not deal with your feelings, they will either manifest in an inappropriate way or you will tend to be depressed.
Simply put, life is not going to hand out great things all the time. At some point, all of us have to navigate some bumps in the road. We can either choose to let these missteps get us down or use them to strengthen our resolve to succeed.
A great example of how a person can use their shortcomings to fuel their fire comes from professional tennis. I play tennis and really enjoy watching great players. Two of the best at dealing with setbacks are Serena Williams and Maria Sharapova. Both have been outplayed and lost the first set many times. Rather than getting down on themselves and carrying the loss with them into the next set, however, they ramp up their intensity to win the match.
I have seen them do this numerous times. In fact, anytime they are down a set, I just know they are going to flip the intensity switch on and win the match.
Learning how to handle setbacks is so important for everyone, especially leaders. People just do not want to follow a despondent leader.
Now go out and make the decision that you will not let setbacks be the center of your life.
You can do this!
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