• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Advertise
  • Submissions
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
  • Mar 3, 2021
  • Startup
    • Creating a Plan
    • Funding a Startup
    • Franchise Center
    • Getting Your Office Ready
    • Making Your Business Official
    • Marketing Your New Business
    • Personal Readiness
  • Run & Grow
    • Customer Service
    • Human Resources
    • Innovation
    • Legal
    • Operations
    • Risk Management
  • Leadership
    • Best Practices
    • Communication
    • Green Initiatives
    • Open Culture
    • Strategic Planning
    • People Skills
  • Sales & Marketing
    • Advertising and Lead Generation
    • Marketing Innovations
    • Marketing Plans
    • Online Marketing
    • Relationships
    • Sales Activities
  • Finance
    • Budgeting and Personal Finance
    • Payments and Collections
    • Tax and Accounting
    • Pricing Strategy
    • Working with Investors
    • Working with Lenders
  • Tech
    • eCommerce
    • Hardware
    • Software
    • Security
    • Tech Reviews
    • Telecom
  • Shop

SmallBizClub

Helping You Succeed

efile4biz banner
Home / Leadership / People Skills / How the Best Leaders Set Context
How the Best Leaders Set Context

How the Best Leaders Set Context

1176 Views

Jun 18, 2014 By Mike Maddock

The Way You Start A Conversation May Determine The Outcome You Get

 
Imagine being part of this interaction.
 
You walk into the kitchen holding the checkbook. Your spouse is preparing dinner and you ask, “What’s this check for $300 you wrote last Thursday?”
 
Impatient for answers, you glance down at the check register and jump to your next question: “Do you understand how much are we spending on groceries and cable?”
 
You get a curious glare, but since you’re just getting started, you press on. “Do we really need to be spending $85 each month on pet supplies and another $180 on miscellaneous? I don’t get it.”
 
Insert the you-are-about-to-get-hit-in-the-head-with-a-frying-pan pause here. (This may be a good time to duck because before you know it, vegetables and expletives are flying from the direction of your spouse and you’re left standing, dumbfounded, wondering what just happened since your goals in raising all these questions were actually good ones.
 
Let’s start over.
 
Imagine the same scene with one important difference. You start by stating your intention, which sounds like this: “Honey, we’re coming up on our 10-year anniversary, and I want to take you—the love of my life—on a romantic vacation to Paris. I’ve been trying to find some ways to pay for it and could use some help.”
 
You can bet that the outcome would be different, and it only took two extra sentences and the foresight to employ a practice great leaders use every day.
 
Here’s Why This Is So Important
 
Think back to the most emotional conversation you’ve had recently at work and at home. Chances are good each resulted from misinterpreted intentions. You were probably trying to accomplish something very different than the very person you were trying to help thought you were.
 
You got angry because they assumed the worst while you were trying to be at your best.
 
You can avoid this type of drama by starting potentially difficult conversations by stating your intention. Some examples:
 
For A Client
 
Instead of saying: “We need to talk about your project timelines slipping again.”
 
Try: “My intention is to staff your project with the very best people we have, but the project deadlines keep moving, so I’d like to discuss ways to create a workable schedule.”
 
For A Hormonal Teenager*
 
Instead of saying: “I looked at your class schedule for next year, and you and I need to have a conversation about all the easy courses you have signed up for.”
 
Try: “I want you to have as many options as possible when it comes to choosing a college or career, so I’d like to talk about your class selection for next year.”
 
For An Employee
 
Instead of saying: “I need to see you in my office at lunch time.”
 
Try: “You have been kicking some serious butt, and I’d like to buy you lunch and learn about how you’re outperforming everyone on the team.”
 
For A Boss
 
Instead of saying: “Why are we spending so much time on the Johnson account?”
 
Try: “There are four accounts that I think I can immediately grow, so I’d like to understand if you think the Johnson account should still be priority No. 1.”
 
Great leaders understand that a huge part of their job is to provide context. You can see from the examples above that by setting context in the beginning of a potentially difficult conversation, you can avoid:
 
  • Your client thinking you are trying to overbill them
  • Your teenager thinking you are calling him stupid and/or controlling him again
  • Your employee thinking she is about to be fired or reprimanded
  • Your boss thinking you are challenging her authority
 
The next time you are about to engage in a difficult conversation, remember the formula: Context + Curiosity (about how the other person may react) = Collaboration
 
Enjoy Paris.
 
*Author’s note: When it comes to setting context, I’d advise honing your skills with clients, co-workers and partners before taking on the teenager conversations. Some situations require Jedi-level skills.
 
This article was originally published by Free the Idea Monkey

Filed Under: People Skills Tagged With: Clarity, Communication, Leadership, Mike Maddock, People Skills

Mike Maddock

Mike Maddock

Mike Maddock is a serial entrepreneur, author and a keynote speaker. He has founded 5 successful businesses, including Maddock Douglas, an internationally recognized innovation agency that has helped over 25% of the Fortune 100 invent and launch new products, services, and business models and create cultures that know how to innovate. He co-chairs the Gathering of Titans entrepreneurial conclave at MIT, is past president of Entrepreneurs’ Organization and current chairman of Young Presidents’ Organization. Mike currently writes for Forbes and is the author of three books about innovation: Free the Idea Monkey to Focus on What Matters Most. Brand New, Solving the Innovation Paradox and Flirting with the Uninterested, Innovating in a "Sold, not bought," Category.

Related Posts

  • 3 Tips for Keeping 2 Branches Well-Connected
  • 5 Tips for Moving Workers Back Into Your Office
  • 5 Essential Marketing Strategies to Adapt During COVID-19 

Primary Sidebar

Random

Here’s Why You Need a Business AND a Personal Website

Mar 3, 2021 By Devon Bartlett

3 Ways to Move Your Business Online Right Now

Mar 3, 2021 By Gemma Moss

5 ways to increase sales with product videos

Mar 3, 2021 By George Mathew

The Value of a Dollar and the New Wage Gap

Mar 3, 2021 By Brian Wallace

How to Start a Car Rental Business in 12 Steps

Mar 3, 2021 By Victoria Hill

Footer

About Us

Small Biz Club is the premier destination for small business owners and entrepreneurs. To succeed in business, you have to constantly learn about new things, evaluate what you’re doing, and look for ways to improve—that’s what we’re here to help you do.

  • Facebook
  • LinkedIn
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Copyright © 2021 by Tarkenton Institute, Inc. All Rights Reserved | Terms | Privacy